Choosing your Battles
“Why are you doing that?!”
This is the question I was hearing from a loved one as I was doing something that obviously I was not supposed to be doing. UGH!
What was going on in her mind …
“She’s upsetting my routine, changing it all up, making my life hardier than it needs to be. Why can’t she just do what I tell her to do!”
What was going on in my mind …
“Why is she complaining and harassing me when all I’m doing is trying to help her. Can’t she see that and just let me do it!”
I’m in Georgia spending time with my Mom. We love each other dearly. We are both very strong independent women (the apple doesn’t fall from the tree) and we both live alone. This dynamic of our own personalities & circumstances creates a bit of drama when we come together. We both want to do our own thing along with being able to express whatever emotion is going on when that doesn’t happen as we want it to. I am sure some of you understand exactly what I am talking about as you have experienced this also … with loved ones and in your work environment.
It all boils down to 3 things …
Don’t mess with my routine… this is all about change and the resistance to change. Most people say they want change – to learn and grow – yet when it comes to someone else asking them to change, they find it too hard, thus resistance sets in. Remember, resistance is futile.
Forgetting that our words have the power to hurt as well as heal… words, words, words … sometimes in the heat of the moment, we forget how powerful our words can be. Whether the words are harmful finding it impossible to take them back or the words are filled with loving compassion allowing others to absorb this energy, this is all about how we communicate or choose to communicate.
Understanding the need to be heard… listening is key and extremely powerful. Most of us want to be heard. This is an inherent human trait. When we don’t feel as if we are being heard, we lash out emotionally. What is key to ‘being heard’ is to listen as much as you talk or even more than you speak.
When you find yourself in the midst of choosing which battle you want to have (as I have found myself in this week), remember the 3 items above and choose your battles wisely coming from love, compassion and understanding. No one wins when you are embattled in the war of emotions. Allow yourself space apart taking a breather to then decide what is the best strategy for communications of all involved to be heard.