To our own self?

There is a common phenomenon, for women especially, that no matter how successful they are – they still talk ‘Trash’ to themselves. You know that little Mean Girl voice inside that only you listen to and respond to and would never say out loud to anyone else?!

This is what I call the Mean Girl Syndrome.  Remember the movie Mean Girls.  Yes, that movie defined it all – that person or persons in our life that was always calling out the most horrendous things in our life that suddenly made us begin to doubt, fear, worry about who you are.

“Raise your hand if you have ever been personally victimized by Regina George.” Mean Girls

Except now you don’t need a “mean girl” telling you how awful you are because you can do it yourself. And you do — all the time. You know, those thoughts that run through your mind that keep you stuck in the doubt, anxiety, and worry of life.

  • What makes me think I can do it this time?
  • Why would anyone want to buy from me?
  • I’m not good on video — I look fat!  I look old!
  • What if I mess up?

I was working with a very successful woman who had been in business for over 20 years. Every week she would have her own mean girl telling her …

Why would anyone want to work with me? I’m not an expert!

We worked together for 6-months, and she made a huge shift. She stopped the trash talking.  She started following her passion for more visibility through speaking. Now, she has upped her game in visibility with speaking and her original business has grown even more.  She says, “Denise, every time I am about to ask for my speaking fee, I hear your voice in my head saying you are worth it!”

There are 3 keys I give my clients on dealing with the this inside trash talking. Let’s look at one of them now …

Key #1 is to begin noticing your thoughts as they are happening so you can make a shift.

When you touch a handle of any kind – car door handle, cabinet handle, front door handle – pause and ask yourself:

How am I handling my thoughts, my behaviors?

You are handling doors all the time.  You are opening and closing things in your life all the time.  This is one way in which to begin noticing your thoughts and behaviors to make a shift in your life.  When you ask yourself this question, really listen to your thoughts at that moment and what has gone on before that moment.  If you are having mean girl thoughts, change them.

Take that mean girl trash talking, write it down and literally put it in the trash where it belongs.