Over the past week, I have been observing people’s behaviors … around me, in the news, even myself. For me, I cry when I feel the pain of others. I cringe when I read or hear about the cruelty that is taking place today. I commit to not allowing my fear to take over my life. Is this learned behavior that cannot be changed or do I have a choice in my behaviors? Am I conditioned to be ‘hardwired’ or ‘unhinged’ when life hands me challenges? What about you?

What does it mean to be ‘hardwired’ or ‘unhinged’?

From my understanding, both are basically the same derivative of behavioral fear … on opposite ends of the spectrum of behaviors. First let’s get technical and look at the paraphrased meaning of both words, according to the Merriam Webster Dictionary.

          Involving or achieved by permanently connected circuits; genetically determined or compelled

          Upset or unglued

If I apply the meaning of these words to behaviors that I have been observing, what I find is that most people are one or the other when in certain situations. They make a choice on what behavior they will exhibit.

Someone says something that you don’t like or writes a post that is not your point of view. What do you do?

You are kept waiting when you have a scheduled appointment … with a friend, co-worker, potential client, or client? And they didn’t call you, text you or anything. What is your response and behavior when these things happen?


  • Response
    • Get angry and lash out … people shouldn’t do these kinds of things and you are making sure they know it
  • Behavior
    • This is who you are … take it or leave it


  • Response
    • Why are people always taking advantage of me? Can’t they see how much these things upset me? Don’t they care?
  • Behavior
    • Go into fear mode becoming and feeling victimized

Again, these behavioral responses come from a place of fear … fear that stems from past experiences in your life. Perhaps a fear of distrust, not being good enough, not being accepted.  Or it could be a fear of losing control even though these behavioral responses are on opposite ends of the losing control spectrum.

What can you do?

Begin the process of loving you. Take action to be more kind to yourself. Hit the pause button when you feel and see yourself going into either of these behaviors. Then, ask yourself … “Who am I?” When you look at you and who you are inside … your essence, your spirit, your beauty … you can choose to come from a place of knowing making a choice for the love you have.


Denise Hansard is a former corporate pricing expert turned motivational speaker & life coach with a Masters in counseling who has coached hundreds of women to make 6 figures, find the love of their life and get super healthy. Author of the book Suffering in Comfort, she is an expert in transformation. http://denisehansard.com