No, not that wall. I am talking about the walls that you have built in your life for security … safety … protection.
The wall around your heart because someone hurt you, rejected you, or criticized you.
The wall around your mind because every time you’ve tried something new, you failed or so it seemed!
The wall around your physical body because you were afraid that others would not like your curves, your thighs, your booty … just the whole beautiful you.
These walls …
These walls which you’ve built took time, effort and strength to build. You put them there for very good reasons. You even overlapped the walls so they would be the strongest walls in history. I mean, life doesn’t hand you just one thing to tackle and you’re done. You get to tackle the whole she-bang. The walls you built brought you through tough times that you weren’t sure you would ever make it through. These walls were needed.
Trust me, I know as I’ve built those walls in my life.
The heart wall so that when someone criticized my playfulness or my laugh, I wouldn’t be crushed by their words trying to hold me down. Maybe they felt I was too ‘out there’ and wasn’t doing enough to protect myself.
The mind wall as I have failed many times in my life … relationships, jobs, careers, friendships. With each new ‘try’, I would throw myself into it; get kicked to the curb time after time; and try again, feeling as if a part of me was lost as I needed that wall of protection to try it all again.
The body wall was my biggest wall. It intertwined with the other walls because I never felt as if I was good enough to be loved. I knew this because I was told this in so many ways by so many different people. I was reminded of this by loved ones who only wanted better things for me and by friends who thought they were just teasing me to show they cared.
Good … bad
What I’ve realized as I have grown in my personal journey is that walls can be good and bad.
Good… as you need to have protection while you heal. There are times you need to retreat behind a protective wall … one that feels safe to regroup and allow you to do what is needed to grow beyond your fear of life never changing and getting better. Once you heal, that wall can come down and needs to be torn down. But you don’t tear that wall down. You allow it to stay and deteriorate over the years until the point when you think it is no longer there … yet, it is.
Bad… as once you’ve built that wall, you forgot about it. That is until you are triggered by a comment or look, then that wall comes right out from hiding, you retreat behind it and then you find it difficult to come out from behind that wall. When you get triggered over and over again, you make a decision. You choose to live behind that wall forever … keeping you in along with keeping others out. This includes the great love that you were too afraid to open up to, that future job which was exactly what you have dreamed of for so long, or the endless opportunities that had you looking the other way because they seemed too good to be true.
All too often you forget that you built a wall for whatever the reason was you built it in the first place. You’ve worked on yourself and grown! You’ve allowed yourself to heal and move beyond your past experiences. All those personal development books, courses, and tapes … they did their job. Yet, when you become triggered, that wall comes right back even stronger than before you thought you had torn it down. Now it seems way too easy to stay locked behind that wall … not calling it a wall, of course. I mean, you did the work so it is not a wall. It is a barrier or maybe even a fence. You don’t stay behind it all the time. It’s just that touch point like a security blanket. It’s not a WALL.
Tear down the wall …
Once and for all, make a decision to not have a barrier in life that is keeping you from living fully, enjoying all that life has to offer. It is not that you are broken or afraid all the time. It’s just that you have a developed a habit that is not really good for you. Let’s help you tear down the wall. Break that habit once and for all.
Step 1: Ditch your current routine when being triggered. If you find that you have a ‘go-to’ behavior when life hands you lemons, choose to take the road less traveled. Lashing out in anger to a co-worker who has no idea you didn’t get that promotion you so wanted. Baking cookies for days as being an entrepreneur (with little to no clients as it all is so hard) isn’t panning out the way you thought it would. Stop … breathe … take a look within … make a decision to change.
That is just the first of many steps to take as you begin to choose you in this journey called life. Even if your misgivings about ‘choosing you’ at this time of your life are causing you to dig in your metaphorical heels, you know deep inside, instinctually, that you need to make changes. The problem is you are not sure you can do it by yourself. You are about to rock your world in choosing to change … shift your mindset for more.
You can change your life with one small step.